Sometimes when there’s a lot going on in my life, I take a week or two and just, sort of, shut down. I use the excuse of business as a shield to let my productivity slump and my goals start slipping. But since I’m trying to mindful, let me try to recontextualize things.

If I stay in this mindset – a spiral of procrastination and guilty indulgences to substitute for the dopamine spike I get from crushing lists – I won’t get anywhere. But when we’re in crisis, it takes practice to get out of it. Without the proper tools, the spiral only continues downward. So, I take a deep breath.

The Midnight Gospel on Netflix had this episode where the main character’s mom told him to just take a second and feel his hands. I think about that all the time, so when I’m feeling melancholy or not enough, I fall into mindful breathing and the feeling of blood and flesh and pressure on my fingers. I remind myself that these expectations are largely self-made, and that my response to them is entirely within my control.

I’ve missed a number of these blog posts already, and I struggled to get back to it because of the guilt. AN IMAGINARY GUILT OF MY OWN DESIGN! Isn’t that just diabolical? I also haven’t published any of these blogs yet because I just haven’t had the time (ugh, see what I mean?). Okay. Breathe.

The second step is harder, but essential. It requires you to forgive yourself. Rough, I know, but hear me out: it doesn’t have to be so hard. I think this is the allure of heavily structured religion for a lot of folks, because they offer a spiritual release, a shedding of those existential burdens. But it’s not the only way. Just forgive yourself and accept that people make mistakes. Then, take the next step. You are who you are, and who you are is enough, but you have to take the next step. Always strive to grow, to learn, to be better.

The ever-topical Brando Sando (our Fantasy Daddy TM, Brandon Sanderson) has a great character in the Stormlight Archives, Dalinar Kholin. I won’t say anything more, but I will ask, “What is the most important step a person must make?” Breathe. Forgive yourself. You’re enough. Get up. Take the next step.

It’s amazing how much help this blog is already giving me in its early stages. The thought of a public journal is scary for a lot of reasons, but I’m a person who has always valued vulnerability, but I’ve had a block in sharing my writing. I think a lot of us are caught up on that. The truth is that we are all going to die in the blink of a universal eye (Momento Mori, and all that), so we might as well say our piece now.

So, when I mess up next time, I’ll try not to wait a week before logging back on. Taking the next step is essential if we want to get better, either in healing or practice of any kind. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Hope you have a killer week! Forgive yourself, laugh, and move on, my dude. 🙂