I’ll keep it short today. I startup the MFA soon, and along with it, teaching 100-level English, so my time is about to be a bit more scheduled. Clearly, I’m stoked on all accounts, and I realize that I am blessed/fortunate to have such an incredible opportunity. That being said, I’ve worked hard to get here, and much of my recent successes can be attributed to mental and habitual shifts I’ve made over the course of the last three years.

Howdy, and welcome back to Motivation Monday. I’m glad to have you, so thanks for spending your time with these words today. 🙂

As many of us do, I’ve struggled with a fame complex throughout a large portion of my life. Though I’m getting better, it is difficult to practice and work in the arts without slipping into homerun syndrome, as fame often brings attention which brings money which brings success, or so we like to daydream. And while that might be a sufficient motivator for some, it’s always rang hollow for me, setting me down a toxic path of attention mongering and poor work ethic. If you ask me, I think a great deal of entitlement is also grown in this contentious place, the junction of I deserve this and why should they have xyz while I have none?

While phones and social media are exacerbating these issues, that is not the content of this post. This all leads to a culture of art creation (which is good) for bastardized purposes, namely attention and greed (which is bad). As an artist, it’s hard not to live in that place, but taking baby steps to change my mindset has improved my mental clarity, creative work ethic, and overall joy. You might be reading this thinking, “Kyle, don’t you have a blog, host a podcast, and write fiction? Aren’t those all practices that beg attention? Doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?”

I think about this a whole hell of a lot, and the line is fine. Any justification I give can be dissected and argued, but I think it depends on the intention behind each action. It is very difficult to appropriately judge the intention of a stranger, that’s for sure. I’m not at a stage in my career where I’m making money off of any of these things, and I’m not sure I’ll ever monetize the blog. The purpose of this page is self-reflection and internal growth — while I would never be so presumptuous as to compare myself to the philosopher king himself, Marcus Aurelius and his Meditations are my model and inspiration for this blog.

But in my other work, I’m making art for art’s sake. Dungeons and Dragons (or TTRPGs in general) is one of the great loves of my life, and if I can share that passion with my friends and the world, I’m going to take every opportunity to spread that joy. Writing is the same — some of us are just bursting with stories to share, our minds cycling through creative worlds as often as reality.

This change from fame-dreaming to art for art’s sake is very difficult however, especially considering we still need to eat and survive. But perhaps that mentality is part of the problem too. In his address to Colby’s Class of 2004, Richard Russo said that you need to separate your work from your job until you become (if you even do) fortunate enough to make a living off your art. Perhaps many of us want to have immediate artistic success so that we don’t have to work — don’t have to be of service to society outside of our own desires and creations.

I’m not sure entirely, and I will continue to meditate and think on the matter. But I do know this: seeking fame and attention are hollow pursuits, and you will find very little happiness in such a journey. Countless examples exist that support this claim, though that doesn’t mean it isn’t impossibly difficult. Because we want to envision the ball going over the fence and running across home plate as we are then lifted up by our peers. We practice acceptance speeches into the hairbrush before we ever type the first word.

So keep your dreams in mind, but don’t let them run wild and trample your ability to produce creatively. Fall in love with process and practice and treat whatever comes your way as a blessing and a gift. Don’t be afraid to work and be of service to others along the way, because what we give to the world it gives back in turn.

It is a difficult journey, but this is the Way.

Have an incredible week and eat something that makes you smile. Pet your dog for me — in fact, pet them twice. May you find your worth in the waking world.

Stay crunchy,

Kbat