This won’t be a long one, I’ve just been struggling to build this website, and I’m stuck. So, I thought I’d write about it to vent here.

I started writing this blog as an Aurelius-like outlet for my own thoughts, and so far, I don’t think I’ve betrayed its initial purpose. It’s 2022 and I’m really trying to do things just for the love of it. Technological hiccups really threaten to take the wind out of my sails, so it’s important to try and laugh about these things instead of throwing my computer through a window lol.

But it can be so frustrating to fail at new things! No wonder there’s a multi-billion-dollar industry in website maintenance and creation (if not more), as it turns out the stuff can really test our patience. The trick is all the problems are assessable, just not immediately intuitive. That might be the succinct answer about why tech can frustrate us so much: we just want it to work.

Because that is the promise of technology: convenience and simplicity. Or rather it’s a false promise or a misguided one. Technology adds its own complexity to things and has even created entire subsections of society and process.

Ultimately, the website update doesn’t matter — it’s a visual remedy to make my site more alluring for visitors and readers. Ideally, the podcast will be incorporated into the final product, with multiple pages and streamlined menus and hyperlinks. And though I can’t just drag and drop my vision into the (disgustingly frustrating) block design, there has to be a way to realize something I’ll be proud of.

Though I struggle to care too much, because this project isn’t for attention or output, but for myself. Not in a selfish way either. I’ve failed at a lot in my life, especially acts of discipline and dedication, and I’m finally falling out of the trap of attention-seeking and fame-thirsting. Many of us have wanted clout in life, but so few of us are willing to do the work. A lot of folks might not believe this, but I’m so over that shit — I just want to tell stories and spread a little light in the world, and I’m finally ready to do the work. All the time.

But these technological extremities are so distracting, and I AM SO BAD AT THEM LMAO. They constantly drag me into this attention-focused mindset, and I find myself checking analytics on the site and D&D podcast. Dumb.

But I’ll keep failing because that’s the stuff of life. Because the most important step a person can take is the next one. So, wherever you are in the infinitude of this dimensional matrix, get up and try again. Fail at the things you want to get better at until you start failing a little less. Then increase your challenge and fail a little more.

The mark of greatness is not measured by how much a person succeeds, but how often they get back up and try again after failure. Especially if they don’t care who is watching, if anyone at all.

Stay fabulous,

Kbizzle